Recently, I was talking to a male friend about a woman he’d met online. They’d exchanged pictures, emails, text messages, and had even spoken on the phone before meeting up.

It was all going so well that he had high hopes that she could be the one he’d settle down with. Until, that is, he met her.

In her dating profile, she’d said she was eight stone and a size 8. When she’d arrived it was immediately obvious she was a good two stone heavier and a few dress sizes larger.

As he recounted his experiences, I rolled my eyes in despair. What did she think – that her sparkling personality would take away from the fact she’d lied about her weight? Had she believed that he would be so bowled over by the colour of her eyes he wouldn’t notice her waistline?

She probably thought if he liked her, he should just accept her as she is and not be concerned about her size.

Well, she needs a reality check.

If I’d known this woman, I would have taken her by her shoulders and shaken some sense into her. It’s not that, at a size 14, she is overweight or an unacceptable size; the problem is that she was dishonest. She’s sold herself as a size 8.

He probably wouldn’t have met her if he’d know the true size she was, and it’s his call to decide if he’d prefer to date skinny women or women who are more of an average shape. He came away from the date feeling bemused and slightly irritated, and she no doubt went home feeling crushed and rejected.

Trust me, there are plenty of men out there who would love nothing more than to date a woman who is a size 14, so why did she choose a man who didn’t feel that way from the outset?

This woman is far from alone. On both sides of the Atlantic, women are making the most terrible mistakes when they date, whether that is via the internet, via blind dates or simply meeting men as they go about their lives.

Their attitude to things like blind dates, or dating online, is usually: ‘I don’t know why I’m doing this.’

Whenever I hear a woman tell me she’s been dating for more than two years without meeting someone suitable, my first thought is: ‘What are you doing wrong?’

There is no doubt in my mind that if you’re still single after two years of dating, then the blame should be placed squarely at your feet.

I have been on more than 2,000 dates as part of my research for two books, and now I’m launching a dating website aimed at introducing men and women from Britain and the U.S. to each other.

For years, people have come to me with their dating problems and I’ve seen the same issues over and over again.

Usually, women condemn themselves to bad dating experiences from the outset, particularly if they are dating after a long-term relationship.

Their attitude to things like blind dates, or dating online, is usually: ‘I don’t know why I’m doing this.’

Well, let’s get one thing clear, you’re doing it because you’re single and you want to meet someone, which is a perfectly acceptable – for you and your date. No need to apologise.

Dating online: Rochelle Peachey advises changing your profile and pictures every few months

A particular issue for women who date online is what they put in their profile. It’s often too negative and full of ‘I’ve just broken up from a long-term relationship and am lonely’ (why, I ask, would anyone want to go out with you?). Be positive, keep upbeat and change your profile and pictures every few months.

Whatever you do, don’t lie about your age or your appearance.

While one can maybe accept a few years here or a few pounds there, I’ve heard of women pushing their age down by a decade and their weight down by a stone, and filling their profile with pictures taken eons earlier.

It doesn’t matter if you can make him fall off his chair with laughter, he won’t forget the fact you’ve lied.

This negativity often continues on dates, particularly for those women who are not over their ex-partner. I have one piece of advice for such women – get over him, or don’t date. If you want to spend an evening talking about your ex, do that with your friends, not someone you are dating.

One school of women feel so positive about themselves they end up with a huge checklist of things they ‘must have’

Then there are the many women who spend their first date moaning about their lives. My advice is, if your life is horrible, dreary and miserable, then stay at home until you summon up the courage to go out with a positive attitude.

We all know there are times where we can’t believe anyone else has every felt such despair, or loneliness as we do, but trust me, they have. And sharing such thoughts is what your friends are for, not your dates.

By the same degree, there is another school of women who feel so positive about themselves they end up with a huge checklist of things they ‘must have’ and quiz their date as though he were a candidate for a job interview.

One man told me he’d been asked what car he drove, what his postcode was and how much he’d paid in income tax the previous year!

The problem with that woman, and others like her, is that she has no idea of her own league, and sees herself as being a far better catch than she actually is. As a result, she lets perfectly nice people pass her by.

Women like this should take a good, long, hard look at themselves, and what they have to offer. Chances are, even if they do have a pretty face, they are basically just a nice, ordinary person.

Their notion that they must date some superman is flawed, and in bypassing nice, ordinary men because they don’t tick certain boxes, they are setting their sights too high.

Speed dating: Don’t ask why you’re making the most of every opportunity … you’re single and you want to meet someone

Women even make mistakes once they’ve found a man they really like and have started a relationship. Often, they become obsessive and the man feels not that he’s got a delightful new girlfriend, but a stalker.

I know of one woman who buys fake diamond earrings, and then proceeds to accidentally leave one of them at the man in question’s flat, simply so that if he doesn’t call, she has an excuse to call him, go around to his flat and attempt to win him over. She has worked her way through dozens of pairs of earrings, and is still single.

WHO KNEW?

Fifteen per cent of couples met online, according to a YouGov poll

The final faux pas that quickly ends a woman’s chances of finding lasting love is to do with keeping her options open, a particular crime committed by those dating online.

There are vast numbers of women who keep their profile active, just in case.

They can’t resist the temptation to check for winks and nods from new men, and end up feeling that there might be something better out there. Once you’ve met someone, it’s important to settle down and give the relationship a chance.

With these things in mind, any woman should be able to find love in less than two years.

Rochelle’s dating website to introduce Brits and Americans is www.iloveyouraccent.com

I love your accent

Have you ever looked at your friends who have long term partners and wondered why you haven’t got that in your life? Do you ever wonder when Mr. or Ms. Right will come along, and what the hold up is? Have you ever thought if perhaps, possibly, you’re doing something that could be keeping them at bay?
Conventional dating and online dating in the new millennium is vastly different, thanks to the Internet, however still very much similar as it has always been for singles. Take a look at some of the more common mistakes singles make when starting to date new people. Perhaps you’re making some of these mistakes?

Lets assess your appearance and personal hygiene?
Take some time to get ready for your date. Clean your teeth. Refresh your breath. When you chat with your date, bad breath will surely be a turn off. SHOWER! Men, be sure to use deodorant. Ladies, don’t go overboard on the makeup or perfume. Select a pleasant looking outfit to wear and be sure it is suitable for the date. You wouldn’t wear an Armani suit when on a picnic, and you wouldn’t wear ug boots to the opera.

Make sure you are well mannered?
When singles are dating and trying to chat there are fewer turn-offs than a date who piles their dinner into his or her mouth, or even swears. Females who make snide remarks and chat about others during conversation is in pretty poor taste, and male singles who don’t hold doors open and other basic courtesies will find themselves getting the cold shoulder at the end of the night. “Please,”, “thanks,” and “excuse me” are important phrases to employ; they show your date that you are a respectful person.

Don’t chat constantly, let your date have some breathing space. Exposing your life history in day one? Nattering on regarding esoteric knowledge that may not interest him?
Everyone likes to be listened to. Your date is no exception! Whilst you may think the story of your life to be very fascinating, odds on that generally the first couple of dates, that guy probably isn’t all that interested in hearing every detail of your life in high school. That lovely little women most likely wont share your deep and enduring interest with vintage belt buckles, either. Singles should chat openly and ask and each other light hearted questions. Touch on these subjects, no problem, but don’t harp on them to the exclusion of all else, be sure that your date has ample time to talk, as well. These tips always apply whether you are dating in person, or you are in a private chat via an online dating service.

Make sure you pay attention when she is chatting to you?
“Uh huh,” “yep,” “Oh, right.” – these remarks are a death knell to the start of a friendship. This implies that you’re distracted, not giving full attention to your date’s conversation. No one enjoys being on the sidetracks of someone’s thoughts, especially when they’re dating. LISTEN to him. Make remarks that show you are giving her full attention. “Really, your boss said THAT?” “and, where DID you decide to go?”

If you met through an online dating service, do you really look like that picture you uploaded?
This is a HUGE and frequent error many singles make when using online dating and chat rooms. They upload a photo from five years or fifteen Kilograms ago, or have a studio shot done, and wonder why their date looks let down or shocked when they meet for the first date.
We all want to appear at our very best and present the best possible appearance, however uploading out-dated and unrealistic photos is not the answer. Take or find a few photos that truly represent how you look RIGHT NOW. Don’t just fob off what is actually a work of fiction as fact.

Are you posing? Acting arrogant and conceited?
If you consistently pull that large wad of currency out, chat about your amazing achievements in sport, your job, and life, or take too much time removing that pocket compact to maintain your mascara, you’re going down a wrong track. Many singles dislike a flash date. Try to be a little more modest.

Don’t be TOO modest!
No one wants to reassure their date all night. “I honestly hope you think I look okay!,” “I’m such a huge clumsy galah!” and similar are NOT good conversation starters, or serious relationship starters. Show alittle self-confidence, however don’t be arrogant and conceited about it. It can be a fine line, often, but not that hard to find.

Not always a good idea to focus on sex too quickly?
Sex is the best way to kill a budding romance. Guys, when you try to bed her too quickly, you’re sending her the signal that all she is, is just a convenient body to be enjoyed to satisfy your desire, that you’re not really looking for a long term romance. Ladies, even in this new millennium, jumping into bed too quickly tells men that you’re heaps of fun in the sack, but not the sort of women they want to bring home and introduce to Mum and Dad.
When is the right time to go that extra step? That’s difficult to say, however certainly do not try within the first three to five dates. Allow some time to get to know your dating partner before you move onto sex. If the time is right, you will know. Those singles looking for a quickie, try your luck with adult online dating sites, or the local night club or bar.

Putting it in perspective.
With the first couple of dates, the answer is to allow time getting to know them, while giving him or her enough opportunity to realize who you are, also . Chat, listen, and be respectful. Don’t forget that the person you are dating is probably just as nervous as yourself, so try to be forgiving if they make mistakes. They will probably be more likely to dismiss your little errors in return!
A first date should be light-hearted, cheerful, and enjoyable. So keep it pleasant and upbeat, you’re so much more likely to have a return date, and who knows? This first date might be the last first date and the start of something special!

http://www.ioveyouraccent.com

Say it again!

When I did the research for my US book entitled My 1,000 Americans, I met a man from California who wanted me to say “Sheer to Waist Panty Hose” over and over again apparently he loved the way I pronounced the letter T.

I then noticed one of the American female members on ILYA hoped to meet a man from Newcastle and wanted him to say “Paper Plates “ as only a Geordie can. For those who are unfamiliar with that dialect it would sound something like “peey-a- per plee-yats . Try it, but only when you are alone!

Its interesting what attracts others to the way we talk and in the UK the way one speaks can usually announce to which social class we belong, but that cannot be said for the likes of Multi millionaire David Beckam with his cockney accent, or Guy Ritchie who also has an East London pronunciation both of whom are certainly not working class any longer

Stephen Fry has said he  “sometimes wonders if Americans aren’t fooled by our accent into detecting a brilliance that may not really be there”.

Vey posh English Accents may well confuse Americans into believing we are somehow connected to Royalty, just saying Oh Hello should be said Air-Hair- Lair to be terribly upper class and completely befuddle them.

The word ALL RIGHT is used in different ways in the UK.

We use it as a greeting as in,

All right?

Yeah, you?

Or

‘How was the movie?

“It was alright”

OR RIGH is the way it’s pronounced in Cockney and by the way, no one uses rhyming slang any more except Americans trying to DO an English accent.

It’s also an Americanism to use it in a jubilant way as in

The Lakers are winning, Al riiiiight!

If you have a special way of pronouncing something, please share it with us here. We promise not to laugh, alright?

http://www.iloveyouraccent.com

Many people misunderstand what “affair proofing your marriage” really means. Women tend to assume that this has everything to do with sex and intimacy.  That is only part of the equation.  For your marriage to really thrive and for you to be confident that your husband won’t cheat again, there are some things that absolutely have to happen.

You will have to understand why the affair happened to really be able to fix the issue.  You will both need to be committed to improving your communication and intimacy so that any issues that crop up can be addressed in the appropriate ways. Too many women had no idea anything was wrong within the marriage because there was a break down in communication. You will need to understand and ask for what you need to heal. If you need more affection and reassurance, you will need to ask for it and get it so that you can shed those nagging doubts.  Both of you will both need to put up safe guards so that you feel secure and trusting. This is not an overnight healing solution, it will take time and for your part as a wife you will try your hardest not to bring the affair up at the slightest opportunity.

If your husband is vulnerable on overnight business trips, when he’s out drinking, or with certain friends or collegues, then these things will absolutely have to be removed, because you won’t ultimately feel comfortable and trusting if they aren’t. Of course, you don’t have to be glued at the hip but going out of town and not being able to contact him is verboten.  Likewise, you mustn’t call him every five minutes when he’s at work, difficult as that may be. Not all men who cheat, become serial cheaters. For many the hurt and pain caused is enough for them to fully realize their mistakes. So give a wide berth to the haters who yell once a cheater, always a cheater, its just not so.

When you understand why the affair happened you can work to ensure that it doesn’t again. Its important to understand that to affair proof your marriage, you understand and take care of emotional, psychological, and physical needs of BOTH parties (you too – if your needs aren’t met, you won’t have anything genuine to give your husband. You must be fulfilled and happy to be able to give this to someone else. I now understand why the affair happened and work every day to ensure that it doesn’t again. I now understand that to affair proof your marriage, you understand and take care of emotional, psychological, and physical needs of BOTH parties (you too – if your needs aren’t met, you won’t have anything genuine to give your husband. You must be fulfilled and happy to be able to give this to someone else.

http://www.iloveyouraccent.com

Americans smile at strangers, talk to them too, chat about their welfare, family and more, never staying long enough to find out the answer but they appear more friendly than us Brits. In the shops the sales associates will greet you with cheery tones and ask if you found everything you need and wave you off with a come back and see us even if you didn’t buy a thing. Not so in UK. No one packs your groceries in Tesco and offers to carry them to your car and this can be especially worrying if you get saddled with the cashier who is in training for the most items she can scan in 20 seconds competition.
Having lived in both countries, I can say that I prefer America without a doubt. There, I said it. Yes I know they are all false and have a nice day but I’d rather that than some misery watching me chase after Oranges or loo rolls that I haven’t managed to keep pace with.

If there’s something I miss about UK, it’s the people or rather our sense of humour. Americans don’t get irony; it goes right over their heads. At the height of the Clinton scandal my husband insisted on telling a joke about Monica Lewinsky being hard of hearing, what Clinton had really said was “hold my calls and sack my cook”. Americans would listen and say ‘Oh really”? Another American trait is for them to run around and tell anyone who will listen that they are ‘highly intelligent” note the word “highly?” Is that akin to me telling all and sundry that I am “really clever”? Is there a definite need to state this, surely one would hope that one’s intellect would shine through?

But for all their faults, like their love affair with guns and not spelling properly, Americans love the Brits. Stephen Fry was correct when he said that a cut glass English accent can fool an American into seeing an intelligence that isn’t there. I have been asked about the Queen, Princess Dianna, Elton John and a man called John who worked with their mother. I answer depending on how I feel that day. They go away quite happy with my answers, after all I am from London so I must be right.
Yes, Brits have passports (Americans don’t like it when we bring that up) to enable us to travel, where we hear different languages and spend different currencies. Alas, the Yanks just drive to California or Florida for the sunshine or Mickey Mouse. They continue to drive to Colorado or Maine for snow skiing (you must say snow skiing other wise it gets mistaken for water skiing) and yes they may speak in a different drawl but its still American and there’s still a Dennys close by. Americans simply don’t travel abroad because its too expensive, that’s the reason.
But the fact is, America is the third largest county in the world. You can experience everything from the arctic to the tropic, multiple cultures, hundreds of languages and a melting pot of cultures. Who needs to fly?
Americans see us as sophisticated beings, exotic even and of course we are related. 
I think that regardless of their own parents ancestry, many Americans still sense the historical roots of the Thirteen colonies and their old connection to “Britannia”. Perhaps, when they first meet a British person, some still make that historic connection.
Not to forget that as soon as America goes to war, we therefore, here in Britain stand shoulder to shoulder with our American friends! Thanks Mr. Blair. If they have never visited across the pond (of course they haven’t) they believe we walk around in the fog stopping for tea at three of course. We obviously know everyone as the County is so small. We speak properly and its been said that a Brit accent is a ticket to lots of sex.

So do the Brits reciprocate with the love? Yes, somewhat. If Brits love the States, they really love it. They enjoy the low petrol prices along with cheaper cost of living and that friendly American welcome it makes for a great place to visit or settle. We enjoy their carefree way of life
Americans are much more outgoing than us, they love everyone after half an hour and will invite everyone to tea if you should happen to be in the neighborhood. Even the politicians carry themselves in a far more approachable way. When Obama was on TV with McCain, the former looked like he had just had a massage and was sipping on his martini, so much more relaxed!
Some Brits seek Americans as lovers because they like to share so much more than their homegrown counterparts. They don’t hide their feelings, its OK to talk about “stuff”. They like the take -charge way they act and that goes for some American women too. We love American movies, their actors and their way of life. Its said that American females are less uptight than their UK sisters, so maybe it works well with the stiff upper lip Brit in an opposites attract relationship.

In closing, I have to say that the most overused word in America is ‘AWESOME’ they use it for everything. When offering someone a drink they will say “ A coke would be awesome”, when of course, it would be refreshing. A spaceship landing on the lawn? Now that would be awesome!

http://www.iloveyouraccent.com